PaddyYates.Co.Uk Blog

An extract from my autobiography…..

In 1991 I left Manchester Metropolitan University, I'd studied a Combined Studies degree comprising of Computing Science with European Studies. I majored in Computing Science as at that time I was quite interested in computing and programming. I think at that time I really thought I wanted to be a teacher, so I started my Teaching qualifications and got a placement within a local primary school. Soon after I realised what charming little B******s other people's kids could be and soon ditched the idea. I think it was when the kids started comparing their Stanley knives in the playground and carving their favourite footy team names in their arms; I knew it would all end up in bloodshed and it wasn't going to be mine - so I ran home like a little frightened school boy and had a re-think.

I joined AC Computer Services later that year, my career in I.T. had started and I was on my way to making the millions that everyone had told me existed in I.T. ........ What a load of B*ll*cks!

I stayed at A.C. for a good 9 years, learned some really good experiences and was eventually 'head hunted'  which caused me to move  to a contract computing services company, Rockliff Computers. The Rockliff years were great, not that the A.C. ones weren't as we had some great laughs, it was just a completely new way of working for me at Rockliff. I was kind of 'Self Employed' but employed, if you know what I mean. My resource (ie. ME) would be sold out to the highest bidder to complete work on customer premises - I suppose I was a Hi-Tech whore! I'd be working in a team of engineers one week and then on my own the next, up in Newcastle one week and down in Cardiff the next. I built up a great portfolio of companies that I conducted work for and so many great acquaintances (some probably friends - but I'm so bloody useless at keeping in-touch - remember the first line of the blog?). We had a great laugh and eventually the family behind the company decided to cash in and sell to the highest bidder - they were assured by the 'new company' nothing would change ... pah!

Rockliff later became Ikon Office Solutions. For a while, the good times kept on going, but eventually cracks started to show and the inevitable changes were being brought in. Some great Sales people where made redundant (big tip to Ikon - if a salesman was making the company money and bringing sales in ... then don't get rid). Ikon believed that their already in place teams of 'Photocopier Sales' could easily do the work of the I.T. sales guys - boy what a mistake !

The name 'Ikon Office Solutions' always made me laugh, soon after the I.T. Sales redundancies we started to call it 'I Can't Office Solutions' as more often than not, the first thing you would say on arrival at a customers premises would be 'I can't.....' - usually because wide boy photocopier / stationery salesman had tried to sell a customer a solution that they really didn't need or even have a clue about. IKON were a real piss poor company, did I say that out loud? ... guess so!). The eventual kiss of death was duo of an ar$ehold called Andrew (surname not mentioned - but I hear there's a really nice place on the Isle of Man called Douglas!) and a really awfully obese fat witch of a HR director (My god she was fat, a big fat momma!) who had the great idea of getting rid of all the engineers in favour of re-hiring them as contracted resource at a fraction of the cost. Hmmm, problem is with that is that as engineers, we all knew how much the company charged for us, now they wanted to keep the same cost to the customer but only pay a fraction to the people doing the work?  You can guess that my final day was met with both sadness and happiness. Sadness at not working with the guys and girls at the office and in the field. Happiness at taking great delight telling the HR director where to shove the IKON pin badge that I had left in my kit bag - the stoooopid bitch actually thought that I would want to keep it as a momento! I took great delight in telling her to stick the pin up her arsehole and use it to stitch her lips together.......  I also added that others might want to donate their pins as well, just to make sure the silly bitch remained quiet - well it was a massive arse.... and that face - feck me, she really did look like the fat lady in the 'Total Recall' film - you know who you are !!! .... lard ar$e! and yes the Prawns were left in the car on purpose.

Anyway, rant over, in about the space of 16 years I had managed to quadruple my salary from A.C. (don't get too excited, I was still on crud wages) when I started work at MBNA / Bank of America. I really knew from day one that I shouldn't have taken the job, but because of the people I worked with I decided to give it a go. I must have liked it really, I stayed nearly 9 years - but by the end of this time I realised enough was enough and that I had become completely dis-illusioned by I.T. and with a lot of discussion decided that I would wait until I took my "banker's bonus" (ironically the highest I ever received) and then hand in my resignation. Which was a shame, as I met some fantastic people (most I keep in touch with - you know who you are!).

and now??? ...... well I'm really enjoying myself.  I now take 'Fotos' (or 'FOURTOES' - as those around me mock!) for a living and found out I was actually quite good at it! I'm the busiest I've ever been, not making much money but that's not always been that important to me - people have.

I might re-read this page one day and re-write it - but one thing I know..... that FAT LADY will remain - I'd really love to take a picture of her now (I have an ultrawide angle lens) - Just so that I could really show you how god damn awful she really was. She really typified what is wrong in this world today - well apart from the Jade Goody / Katie Price and Kerry Katona supporters!

May be one day I'll write an autobiography guess what the working title will be ....... yep ..... 'it aint over till the fat lady sings!'



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